Here are some carefully curated facts that paint me in the best possible light, which you’re meant to accept uncritically and assume are representative of my actual strengths, of course.
My first job was working for the Superconducting SuperCollider in Waxahachie, designing user interfaces for the vacuum Control Systems Division. I spent three years studying BioPhysics at Rice before realizing I hated lab work, then crammed in an English major at the last minute. I spent 16 years at the Richards Group, working on nearly every major brand on the roster. I created and oversaw production on every metroPCS ad from their launch in 2003, until 2010, taking the business from a minor local carrier to the fifth largest wireless provider in the nation. I once had a feminine hygiene video get nearly half a million views. A one-off billboard I did got shared over 700,000 times online.
Now, to create the illusion of balance and self-awareness, here are some less flattering but still fairly benign facts:
I got a D- in quantum mechanics. I once had to write an apology letter to a client for leaving his name off an internal script, and then had to rewrite the apology when the first draft wasn’t “fun” enough. I have bad spacial awareness, and it may be contagious (seems to be rubbing off on my wife recently), so you’d be wise to keep your distance.I spend just a hair too much time in the shower preparing really killer Nobel Prize acceptance speeches in fields I’m, in all honesty, underqualified in.
I have also been accused of mumbling.